Monday, May 25, 2009

The chapter that I never complete

I was walking straight
all the way straight without looking back
I stumble unto things that tempt me to turn back
but I still decided to go on with my journey

It was all good
I was happy and
There it was
At the back of me
Catching up so close that I can feel it breathing down my neck
It's my past
my unresolved dramas
and here I was, thinking that I'm well ahead of it

I tried fighting, I tried running
but something inside me failed me
And here I am
questioning myself
coming up with more questions than answers
coming up with all the What Ifs and If Only(s)
not realizing that
no matter how much What Ifs and If Only(s) I think of

I still won't get the answer cause I did not do what I wanted to in the past

I thought I was strong and I can finally close that chapter
But I was wrong
Is it cause I keep telling myself that I'm on the right track?
Is it cause I close a part inside of me so I wont walk backwards?
and if I do that countless time I will finally believe that I'm on the right track
and I'm lying to myself cause I'm afraid of the truth?

I will never know unless I put on my brave face
pull up my courage
and face it, deal with it
whatever the outcome might be
good or bad
happy or sad

Should I close the chapter I told myself that it was history?
Or should I recreate back a new history?
I should now close my eyes and get some sleep.

I'm lost in the sea of thoughts

2 comments:

Pauline said...

so many questions...and i know u need an answer.and in order to get the answer,you should ask that person..only that person can give u the answer.babe,i know it's hard.those smiles are fake.it's just a mask to conceal how u're feeling.life's full of ups and downs.just when u tot u're right on track and everything's perfect,ur unresolved past is back to haunt u.telling u it;s not over.stay strong my dear.i'll always be there for u

amber said...

thanks sayang <3
and i'm here for u too
xoxo